Radiation

So here we are two radiation treatments left to go and so much more has happened than I thought would.... This has been a challenge and I have tried to be brave and strong.  Radiation the first few days was a breeze.  Then my throat stared to hurt, then it started to really hurt. Like I couldn't eat or even swallow hurt. I expected a mild sore throat but nothing like this.  Monday morning I called and got in to see doc and explained my situation.  My esophagus is burnt obviously from radiation but I also had an infection and swollen tonsils.  I was given a "pain sucker" (famous with cancer patients) and told after a few minutes I would be loopy and the pain would be gone.  As I went for blood work I ate the whole thing and had no relief... And I mean NONE!
I marched straight back in there and told them I had no improvement.  They gave me antibiotic, steroids and pain pills, finally.  Some relief.  Unreal how bad my throat hurt and still hurts.  Two more days to go and then it should start getting better.  It has been a doozy and just all part of the process.   The last few times I lay on the radiation table and they strap me down with the mask on I get so anxious I literally have to meditate or go to a far away place so I don't lose it.  This journey has not been easy, but I have learned a lot about myself and how I handle things.  I have been so blessed by all the help and support that others offer daily.  My dear friend, Chelsey takes me almost every day because I cant drive on crazy pills. :) THANK YOU SO MUCH! She sits and takes care of Taylor while Im in there and it  has taken so much stress off me.  Love her!  After this last treatment Monday I will be free for six weeks then a follow up with oncologist.  I cannot wait to feel normal and healthy again,  Do not take your health for granted.  EVER!! I know I have in the past and I am going to be better!!  Thank you for all your prayers, love and thoughts....XO

BEING STRAPPED DOWN WITH MASK...EEEEK!

 >

I am really feeling like a horrible blogger.  I haven't updated in such a long time.  I apologize.  Chemo kicked my bootay and after four cycles complete my scans came back showing a complete response.  I couldn't be happier about being finished with that part.  As planned I met with My radiation doctor at AF Hospital at beginning of August.  His name is Dr. Barney.  I am starting radiation tomorrow morning and will have 12 radiation appointments.  (less than I was originally told)  I had my mask made for these appointments last week and it was interesting.  Pics of the mask to come..... FREAKY!!
My body is finally feeling better, as the chemo is finally leaving my system.  Peace out chemo, you did your job now move on outta here.  It is the hardest thing I have gone through thus far....like in my entire life. I am thankful I responded so well and I cant wait to feel better each day.  I shouldn't have too many side effects from radiation, maybe a sore throat and fatigue.  I cannot imagine this is anything in comparison to chemo treatments, so bring it on.

 I am up and running right before the UTES start playing!! YAY- cannot wait to go to the football games.  Last year I was on bed rest and didn't make it to most of the games.  Sitting on bleachers are bad enough and its even worse when you are contracting every three minutes and trying to do kegels so baby girl doesn't make an appearance while I'm eating my churro and foot long... (I mean mid game) ;)
Sad but True.  Excited about that.....

I am also excited about the kids going back to school.  Not a very fun summer with very few fun activities.  The sun is a real beast while under the influence of chemo.  The girls were such a big help and I could not have done it without them.  Allie seriously was the mother this sumer.  She made more bottles and changed more diapers than I.  She made me lunches and made sure I was taken care of. What an angel and what an amazing mommy she will be.

Each day is truly a blessing and I am so thankful for all the love and support that you have all given us through this.  I am a lucky woman to have such an amazing husband and outstanding daughters that make me so happy.  They make me laugh and smile every day and I would be lost without them.  I couldn't see an end in sight when I was diagnosed with this crummy disease.  I have grown so much and realized how much I have to be thankful for.  I love being a mother and it is the BEST think I have ever done and the best thing I will ever do.  Even though I still need practice.  It has made me get out of bed every day and battle through and fight harder than I ever thought I could have.  I love my little girls and I am so thankful to be their mommy.  Heavenly Father knows just what we need and exactly when we need it.  Over the last five years I have been through some of the roughest times.  I thought so many times that I couldn't keep going and I would almost give up.  I needed to learn and grow and become something better.  I wouldn't change any of this for the world.  I trust in his plan now more than ever and he will not ever forsake any of us.  I am happier than I ever have been and I have learned so much about life, love, trust, patience and so many other things.  I know I am watched over every day and I have so much to fulfill in this life still.  Cancer knocked me down but I am a fighter and I am gonna come back better than ever.  I love life and it loves me right back! XOXO

The final countdown.....We have one more treatment after today!!! :) Still have my hair, although it is thin.  Feeling pretty good.  The last few weeks has been a little harder.  More fatigue, blurred vision, numb hands and worst of all the bone pains.  So strange to think this poison is in my body just DOIN WORK!!!  I am so thankful that I am responding well to meds and that this chemo part is almost over.
It hasn't been fun in any way but it has changed my life and made me thankful for my health.  Radiation will start and be four weeks, possibly six, every day M-F.

The cutest, sweetest couple were here doing henna tattoos for people.  They are really cool and of course I had them ink me.  I got a cancer ribbon on my foot.  It is pretty cool and it makes me smile! :)

Jake is here with me and is the sweetest most supportive husband.  He has been so amazing through all of this and we are so so ecstatic this part is almost finished.  He is currently talking in an accent to try to make me laugh.  Not sure if its British or Irish?!  Anyways, he always makes me laugh. Love it!

We are going to go on a killer vacation after all of this to celebrate.  I want to take the kids to a beach and relax and just enjoy some time as a family.  This summer has been rough as the sun really knocks me out.  We haven't gone swimming, camping, boating or anything.... I told the girls we would make it up to them. :)

I appreciate all of you and love each one of you for your care and concern for our family.  We are so blessed to be in the neighborhood we are in and to have the family and friends we do.  Love you all! XO

Today is a great day! Jake and I are at chemo.  Start of the third cycle today.  My pet scan last friday shows a complete response to chemo.  FABULOUS!!!  We couldn't be happier.  Three more treatments after today and then most likely no radiation.  I feel so blessed that my body has responded well to treatment.   Prayers and love and support have made this doable.

I am still really losing hair, but thanks to a new discovery by Tiffany, I now look like I have a full head of hair.  HAHA  So funny and although my hair feels like nasty halloween sprayed hair (because thats exactly what it is)  You cant run a brush through it easily after the spray has been strategically placed on the thinning areas, but Ill tell you what,  IT WORKS!  If you were around in the early nineties you remember the infomercials with the balding men who literally sprayed what looked like a can of spray paint on balding areas.  I thought this was so funny and I remember laughing and thinking how in the hell do they think they can pull that off?!  Well I am now, "pulling it off. " IRONIC! And, hilarious. SEE BELOW....

amazing coverage

I can't  think of a better name for this product

As we speak, my dear sister, Mindy is having her fourth baby.  She has been such a support to me through all this even tough she has been tired and prego!  She is my BFF and I love her so much.  We are basically the same person- We love to laugh together and this has saved me so many times.  Never a dull moment.  LOVE HER and I cant wait to meet baby Anna. :)

The 5k run that so many wonderful people have helped organized is tomorrow morning.  I am so excited and  hopefully will feel well enough to go hang out.  Wonderful people, amazing raffle prizes and community fun.  Wear sunscreen!!! Come join us!!!

It will be a wonderful week and we are counting down til we are done with treatment.  I am so thankful for all the love and support and strength I have been given through this trying time.  I know Heavenly Father is aware of me and my family more than ever.  I feel such love and comfort knowing he is watching over each of us every day.  Things work out according to his plan, and we need to have faith that he will take us under his careful watch and protect and love us. I love you all!!  XO

Friday was my fourth treatment and it was a doozy!  I am getting more fatigue each time, not sure why.  I get sick and nauseous every time we go and every time I think about it! :( I am a major wimp!!   Father's Day fell on my birthday this year and it was a great day.  Jake is such a great father to our little gals and we are so lucky to have him.  We visited Ryan's grave before we went to a BBQ at my dad's house.  I was like a zombie but I was there in spirit.  HA!

We got all moved into our new house and it is fabulous!  It is so beautiful and we love the new neighborhood and neighbors.  Thank you to all the family and friends that helped us move.  It was difficult because Im not as strong as usual and I am so darn tired.  Jakes Aunt Lois was able to come down and help us for the week.  So appreciative for all the love and support.   It has been a busy month.  The girls went to San Diego with Gma and Gpa Wendel and their aunts and cousins.  This gave us time to get all moved and settled while they partied it up on the beach.  They had so much fun and I am so grateful they were able to go.

The 5k is coming up and if you haven't already registered, DO IT! It is going to be so much fun with lots of amazing raffle items, treats and wonderful company.   If you don't want to do race still come and hang out and support this awesome cause.  It will be a blast!

We are so thankful for all the prayer and support that has been extended our way over the last months.  I know we would not have made it thus far without each of you.  We live in such a wonderful community where people jump at the chance to help, bring a meal or just ask how we are doing.  So many of you ask about my bro in law, Tom.  He is doing well and has finished radiation.  He is at Huntsman as we speak and starting infusion therapy. He is amazing and I am so grateful to be apart of his journey.  He is in great spirits, as always and he is such an inspiration to many.  He is changing the world one blog post at a time! ;) Love you TOM!!!

So thankful for each day I am given to love my children, laugh and be able to have the health to do the things that I need to.  I have the best family and friends and I love every one of you!!

TEAM TOMMY

Fake it til you make it?? Homie don't play dat!!

The first thing they do when we get here for treatment is access my port to draw blood.  They make sure that your blood cell counts are normal before they administer drugs.  There are a lot of students here today watching and learning.  Kind of scares me, I hope they know Im no guinea pig and this aint' just like taking someones vitals.  And yes I know aint' aint' a word! :) The red devil drug which is a part of my ABVD treatment and the B for bleomicine is scary..... Every 2 cc's that are pushed they pull back and watch for blood return to make sure it is going to he right spot.  It is toxic, toxic stuff and no offense but Id rather a highly trained nurse administer it than a nervous student.  Students please don't come near me with a ten foot pole.  I know what I was thinking and feeling when I was a student and that was only for perming and washing grannies hair.  "Fake it til you make it"???  No faking it when the toxic stuff spills out onto my skin and I lose a limb.  Glad they didn't come too close or I would have yelled, "FIRE!" dead serious, I would have.

When they give these drugs the taste and smell that overcome you is yucky!!!  It is like opening a bottle of rubbing alcohol and inhaling over and over again.  Thankfully I came prepared with an oldy but a goody.  Grape Big League chew... YUM!  I even shared with the nurse because I didn't want to be the only one chomping.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Thanks for all the love, as always I am a lucky gal to have all of you.  XO

This is what it looks like before they hook me up

this takes me back....

This  last few weeks have been busy.... Kids getting out of school, a wedding, selling our current house, buying a new house, packing boxes, doing hair and being mom. Although its been busy,  I couldn't be happier with life right now.  Last weekend my dear friend Tiff and I were able to go to Mesquite for a few days and to Vegas for Kami and Rich's wedding.  It was a much needed get away.  The weather was perfect, the company was perfect and we laughed and laughed and laughed the entire car ride. :) We ate at an amazing steak house and got a 80 minute massage.  Laid by the pool and gambled a bit. Laughter is the best medicine, so I am sure I am fully healed.  I have the greatest friends in the world, and I love every one of them.

I thought my hair would be long gone by now. I am on day 27 of treatment.  My hair is shedding like crazy but no clumps yet....Which is a real bummer because I have had some really good hair days the last few weeks.  I want to pull a Britney Spears move and buzz it all off and shock everyone.  I think when the time comes I will do so, and then look in the mirror at myself and say, " It's Britney B****!"
I told my sisters today that I am terrified to lose my hair.  Seems so silly when I know my cancer is very curable and I am going to be just fine after all is said and done.  Ill just be a baldy for a while.

Today is my sister Brandy's birthday.  She is such a wonderful sister and I love her so much.  She is an incredible friend, wife and mother, she is smart, kind and beautiful and she is amazing!  Mindy and I arranged a surprise lunch with some of her besties.  We had so much fun and Brandy was so happy to see them.  Then we went shopping.....Picture all three of us in a handicapped dressing room with a cart full of clothes and my little Taylor as well.  Early 90s music playing as we tried on different things.  I of course busted a few dance moves in my undies (spanx-if you don't have some, GET SOME!) and that is always a treat.  One of my favorite things about my sisters is that we can laugh and have a good time no mater the stresses of life.  Mindy thinks I am the funniest person alive (she is right) and Brandy humors us both.  We all try on the same things and it is so funny how different our bodies are.  Pants that are supposed to be crops or capris on Brandy are long enough to be pants.  Those same pants on me look like knee shorts.  Mindy fetches Brandy and I sizes and returns with the sizes we requested along with a few sizes bigger because she knows those are our true sizes we should buy to avoid muffin top. Throughout each of our lives we have each laughed at our fluctuating weight loss and weight gain.  Mindy is almost nine months pregnant and is adorable.  Brandy is and has been the thinnest of us for a while.  I am supposed to be the sick sister with cancer, who you would think is losing weight rapidly and frail.  Hmmmmm..... Ive never felt more normal or had such an appetite?!?  I hear its the steroids.  Having sisters is the best and Ill tell you why... I would never tell a friend that they look horrible in something.  I will only kindly steer them away from the fashion no no.  I do tell Mindy and Brandy if something looks bad, and they never miss a chance to do the same for me.  It is usually followed up by, "Really? I thought I looked really cute." And then we all crack up.  Whoever is the thinnest at the time we make fun of because  secretly we are jealous.  We never hurt each others feelings, rather its an ongoing joke over the years.  The "chubby clothes" are passed around to the chubby sister.  Pretty smart of us if you ask me. We had a lovely time and it was a blast!

Funny how perspective on life changes when illness or a trial arises. How soon we also forget after we are given the strength to overcome these trials.  Maybe thats why we always have a struggle even if it a small one.  Now more than ever I consider each day a blessing and I have never felt so lucky to be surrounded by the people I share my life with.  My sisters are choice women who have made me the woman I am.  They have taught me so many things over the years and I'm positive we would be lost without each other.  We don't bicker or have arguments and we have an unexplainable understanding of one another.  I hit the mother load when it came to sisters and you should all be jealous. ;)

Chemo tomorrow bright and early.  One more month and scans will be repeated to see where we are at.  I feel so fortunate we live in a time where medications are readily available to each of us in times of sickness.  I am thankful for an amazing support system.  I am thankful for my hubby and the amazing man he is.  I am so proud I am the mother to three incredible daughters that bring so much happiness to my life.  I am doing so well under these circumstances and I appreciate all the love and concern from each of you.  XO

 Birthday girl

 Happy Birthday lunch

What a cute group of gals

Today, I am so grateful for my little Taylor Sue.  This little girl is an angel straight from Heaven.  She is mellow and calm like her daddy.  She is constantly smiling and bright eyed.  She has brought our family so much happiness.  As many of you know January of 2012 my two older girls father, Ryan passed away.  Jake and I were in the process of trying to get pregnant.  A month after his passing, we learned that we were expecting.  Of course my hormones on top of all the other emotions I was going through were out of control.  Jake and I and the girls were so excited and we knew this was a gift from Heaven.  Not only to bring our little family closer, but to help lighten the sadness and bring perspective to this life.  Allie and Lexi were so excited and were anxiously awaiting.  Pregnancy was rough, and I went into labor at 18 weeks.  Contractions every few minutes and bed rest.  Not fun!!  Not to mention all the drugs they give you to help stop labor make you feel crazy.  And I am already partially crazy... on top of the circumstances....and the meds, I was a full blown crazy!  ;)

When the time finally came after all of that, induction of labor was needed.  IRONIC!  She was perfect in every way and had tons of black thick hair!  Jake was amazed at what had just taken place.  I was once again in awe of this tiny miracle that I was entrusted with.  Nothing compares!  She has helped each member of our family in amazing ways.  With everything going on the last few months, she is an angel.  She takes a three or four hour nap with mommy when I need it.  She does not cry!!!!! Unless she is hungry. She smiles at me every time I talk to her.  When I cry, she looks into my eyes and she knows what I am sad about.  She gives me hope.  She eats when she is supposed to.  She loves to bath.  She loves her sisters so much.  And she is a spitting image of her daddy!! (My favorite thing)
She is even completely losing her hair as we speak...( I call it sympathy chemo)  She knows me so well and what I need.  I love her and I am over the moon ! XO

 

Here we go.....round two

Here we are again.  Almost feels like its not so big of a deal being here, getting poison administered from nurses wearing hazmat suits.  Ironic that all I can think about is my dear brother in law, Tom.  Didn't sleep much last night, woke up every hour and tossed and turned thinking about my sisters sweet little family.  As we talked last night my sister Brandy said, "Tom and I would kill for lymphoma at this point." and we giggled.  Their strength and bravery through this time in their lives amazes me.  Tom is going to show this cancer who is boss.... Must run in the family! ;) I told him we are more alike and he and I must be the strongest people in our family because we were diagnosed with this yucky stuff. HA

Both of our families have been blessed in so many ways it is hard to recall all of the things people have done for us.  The encouraging texts, emails, visits and kind words that will help us kick this cancers A$$!!  The exciting events that have been planned are going to be so much fun and give us something to look forward to.  Truly amazed and humbled at the kindness and concern from people.  I have been given the most incredible parents (all of them) the most giving, kind hearted siblings, the most supportive, loving friends and neighbors in the world.  My husband inspires and encourages me every day since we have met.  I am so in love with this man.  He is everything good, happy, positive and wonderful that I strive to be.  Plus...He is a babe and I love his new red Cinci hat he is sportin today! He makes me laugh, We cry together in happy and sad times.  He understands me with no words being said.  He knows what I am thinking and he caters to me and our little girls! He amazes me and if you are tired of hearing it...too damn bad!  ;) My daughters are straight from heaven.  Although, they test my patience at times.  I am so lucky to be a mother. There is nothing more important to me than those little gals.

We met with our doctor this morning before we started chemo and I am responding well.  The small tumors on the left side of my neck can hardly be felt anymore.  I am so blessed to have a strong body (big bonded) body that can handle this challenge.  I am even more blessed to have a strong mind, although a lot of you will disagree because lets face it... Im a ditz.  When I was told I may have cancer I remember sending a text to my step mom, Kris saying, "I cannot do this, I swear it I don't have the strength." Strange, how quickly I was given the strength to not only do this,  but DO THIS!!! The only way that this is possible is through the prayers from friends and family and a watchful eye of our Heavenly Father.  I will stay positive for my family and for myself because I am freaking awesome.... and I don't really have a choice, do I?  Why, yes I do have a choice and Im coming fierce baby!!!! WATCH OUT!! XO

Got alot on my mind....

and yes Im a red head now....WHY NOT? I already feel smarter! YOLO

Left; Joe McFarland Western Division President of Home Depot

Right; Jeff Rodda Senior District Investigator aka Jake's Boss

Also, this week Jake was able to give our Angie's Army bracelets to some pretty important people that Work with him.  Home Depot proves again, it is an incredible company that is so very supportive through all of this.  I have seen and heard so many amazing stories about the associates of this company.  I will never shop at Lowes again...and you should't either (Dad) ;)

As many of you know, last week my sister Brandy's husband, Tom was diagnosed with melanoma.  He  found a lump underneath his arm and had a first operation on it about two weeks ago.  He had another operation last Friday to remove more of the mass.  He is doing well and recovering this week.  They will be doing scans tomorrow before he sees an oncologist to get a treatment plan.  He is such an inspiration to me and always has been.  I went to visit him and their cute little family on Sunday. He was resting in bed, so I climbed right in and we talked and laughed and I cried.  He is in great spirits, and like me... will fight like hell.  #TeamTommy

None of us understand why we have the trials we do in life.  I do know that our character is built through these trails.  Rather it a death of a loved one, divorce, disease, sickness, financial stress, job loss or just plain old day to day trials.  We are tested and  pushed to the limits to define us and our strength.  Our Heavenly father is very aware of us and our needs.  He knows our heart aches, struggles and frustrations more than we know.  It is our responsibility to go to him, daily and ask for help and strength to get us and our loves ones through this life.  He will help and guide us to become the people that we are destined to be.  He is waiting for us to humble ourselves and ask for help.  No matter your religion, race, beliefs or background.  We all have spirituality within us and it is mighty and powerful.

Our friends have organized a 5k for Saturday, June 29th.  It will be fabulous, because all the fabulous people in our lives will be there.  Please come support and run, walk, ride, scoot, or ride along in a wagon.  We will have breakfast treats afterwards.  Friends, family and anyone you want to invite.  Spread the word and mark your calendars and lets do this!!!! Registration soon to come on www.wegotthis5k.com. We will see you there!!!!  Also, follow Toms blog, coming soon @ teamtommy36.blogspot.com
XO

Race for the CURE

Angie's ARMY

What a gal.....

This morning one of my dearest friends, Kami ran in the Race for the Cure, for me! I love her and this pic makes me so happy!! Love you, Kami Lou!!! XO

We had the chance to do family pics last week with my friend, Ali Sumsion.  She offered to do them as I really wanted to, before I lose my goldy locks. She did a wonderful job and here are a few of my favs.  I have the cutest darn family.... :)

 MY FAV.....

Couldn't be happier!!! :) XO

Sunday...not so fun day

As we were told, day one and possibly day two after treatment wouldn't b so bad because of all the anti nausea drugs and steroids given before chemo.  Saturday evening I started to feel nauseated so I went to bed pretty early. Id like to say Sunday morning I woke up, but I didn't. I stayed in bed til noon then woke up to eat then back down for a nap.  I felt like I had run a marathon and was very weak.  Not that I would know what a marathon feels like but you get the picture.  I had been taking anti nausea meds but I don't think I had eaten enough with them.  I woke up around three to go to the bathroom and I was sitting on the toilet looking at my cute toenails, when I suddenly became very sweaty and nauseous. I fell to my knees and remembered heaving into the shower and then...whammy I must have passed out for a few seconds. Then I came to and realized I had fallen and was laying in my vomit...Yucky!!!!  I hollered for Jake and he came right up and to the rescue.  He helped me clean up and get in the bath.  I washed my hair and face and I felt much better.  After that I had a yummy dinner that I was able to keep down, (thanks to the Finkens).  The night went well and I was feeling like I had a little energy back.  I was able to bath and get kids to bed and that is an accomplishment in this state. :)

This morning was good.  I feel very blessed to have been able to have the strength to get my girls ready for school, do a load of wash and feed my sweet Taylor.  I know all the prayers that are being said on our behalf are helping us.  Thank you all so very much.  I get numerous emails, texts and calls everyday telling us that people are praying for our family.  The power of prayer is REAL!!!!  I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and what I can and cannot handle.  I love my husband and sweet daughters so very much and it is in times like these that the little things make me so happy.  

Also I think I need Life Alert.... Until now I thought this a funny and also sad commercial... Not so funny anymore!!! I only hope  my sweet Jake will accept the other part on the respondent end. So much for BFF necklaces I was gonna buy us.  These are the way to go, for now. XO

What the "Hair" am I to do?

During this last week, I got to make a visit to a fabulous wig shop.... because I will lose my hair.  My sweet step mom, Barbara invited me to go and I thought it appropriate.  It was really strange at first sight and smell.  Even though I am a stylist, and work with human hair extensions it is quite different to have and feel a full wig.  Not just for Halloween or dress up, but for real.... They had all shapes and colors and sizes and it was comical to me a bit.  And if you know me.... comedy helps me deal and I guess that is why Im so darn funny, as Ive been through a lot in my short 31 years ;)


Then it became real when I sat at a vanity and the lady helping us got a nude nylon from a box.  My first thought was, "We aren't at Payless Shoes, silly girl", (flashbacks from childhood)  and she slicked my hair back, as if I were bald.  My second thought was, "Lets go rob a bank, because these wigs were pricey!!!!" While I told her I am of course a blonde bombshell (as she could see) she she went to find a few wigs.  I was excited to find a nice one, but more excited to find a not so good one and take a pic and tease people.

The resemblance in uncanny.... I was always told I was the mailman's because Im olive colored and have light hair (unlike my sisters) It was all finally adding up....

but seriously, I got this in blonde and I really hope It has the "Beth Chapman" look as we are both chubby and blonde and sexy!!! ;)  and we have sexy husbands.....

I also got a hat wig that resembles a jock strap on top.  Actually, I am really excited to get them in a few days because I hear hair loss can start sooner than later! 

XO

So far, So So GOOD....

We are here and like I predicted, have met some really neat people already.  My RN, Allen is great and super informative about each drug that is given.  Accessing the port was pailful but I hear it gets better.  As of now, I am getting the third of four chemo drugs.  Feeling quite normal...which isn't normal, because Im far from normal! HA My Jakey is wonderful and so supportive and asks all the questions Im thinking of asking. Positive people and smiles everywhere... nothing like what I had feared.  Plus there is a snack bar and as you all know... I love snacks!! :) Thank you all for the love and support! And I wore my ruby slippers for good luck! I did not plan to have green and white stripey socks like the wicked witch...SO funny! They are so soft and my friend, Misit sherwood, (a cancer survivor) brought them to me! Love them and her.... And I am listening to Bon Iver for those that care.  Good stuff. XO

 How did I not realize this?!?! 

 The "RED DEVIL" toxic stuff

Cancer looks good on me :)

Is it tomorrow already??

The port that was put in my chest yesterday has been really sore. I feel like someone took a hammer to my chest.  I think part of the problem is the original surgery to remove the lump hasn't fully healed, and  both the new incisions made are really close to where the first one was....eeeeeek!!!! It was burning and itching today so I took off the saran wrap like tape that was surrounding the gauze and it was blistered.  Pretty sure it was an allergic reaction. The good news is,  I have never been allergic to anything in my life and now when people say are you allergic to anything I can say, "why yes, I am." Then when they ask, "what",   I will reply, "to the saran wrap like sticky tape stuff they use in surgery."  I didn't expect it to be so painful and I am so thankful I chose Wednesday to have it put in instead of Tomorrow morning before chemo....That would have been a real doozy on top of treatment.

The port :( and the itchy little blisters.... My port deserves a name, any ideas? After all, It is going to help save me! XO

diapar bag packed for tomorrow- check

yummy snacks and drinks for treatment- check

gossip mags in bag- check (thanks Shanny)

unbelievably soft blanket from my dear friend, Sheryl- check

new macbook (that Jakey got me this week, so I could blog) ( Hes amazing......) made me cry-check

my loverboy- aka chemo date- check

Pretty sure Im gonna meet some pretty amazing people during treatment.  Thankfully, fabulous friends are right up my alley!!!! ;)

LETS DO THIS!! 

The journey we are on.....

I am starting this blog to keep our family and friends updated through this process as we know you are all concerned and love us.  I am so very grateful that we have so many of you that are willing and able to help and support our family, even if it is just a kind message or a phone call.  I also know writing will help me along the way.

Lets start with what has happened so far.....

In the middle of March I was driving with my friend Kami when I was itching my neck and suddenly felt a very large lump right above my collar bone.  I jumped and pulled my hand away in disbelief.  I always wondered what a lump would feel like and now I knew.  Kami felt it and we both thought it strange how large it was and it seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.  I had a strong feeling it was something serious but I went about my day and decided that I would just watch it.  Over the next few days it didn't go away and I knew that I had better get it looked at. The following week I had an appointment scheduled to see my OB for an IUD placement.  I figured I'd get her opinion while I was there.  She was concerned about the size and location of the lump. After talking about a few things she thought it could be she gave me a general surgeons number and said to get in ASAP.  Whatever it was it was large and needed to be removed.  I called right away and made an appointment.  I was scheduled to see Dr. Naylor the next Tuesday, April 9th.

   I went to my appointment and after a quick exam was informed that he believed the lump to be lymphoma.  I didn't know what that was, but quickly assumed when I heard the words chemo and radiation follow that it was cancer.  He urged me to schedule surgery asap to have the lump removed and a biopsy done. On April 15th the general surgeon conducted a procedure to remove the golf ball size tumor. I have a three inch incision above my right collar bone. While in recovery with Jake, he informed us that he still felt it was a form of lymphoma.  On April 17th we got a call from our surgeon, confirming the type of cancer was Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  We had anticipated this to be the result of the biopsy. I was instructed to contact an oncologist within the next few days.

When I had time to myself over the next few days I admit I thought and said, "Why me, why now?" I thought,  "I am too young, my husband and sweet girls need me to be healthy and strong."  I also thought the worst, because even saying the word, "cancer" scared the living day lights out of me.  I sobbed for the first few days, while holding my sweet baby girl, Taylor.  When I looked at Jake or my girls I couldn't contain my emotions.  I could hardly walk into the baby's room and look at the pink stripes we had painted, without crying.  I teared up every time I embraced each of my sweet little girls. I cried at bedtime, I cried when I woke up in the morning. Trying to stay strong and positive was almost impossible.  And most of all, I couldn't even think of how young and fragile I was at the tender age of six when my mom was taken from me.  Was this going to happen to my little family?  I knew I was approaching the age that my mother was when she passed away, and I thought this no coincidence.  I had to keep my mind from wondering in a negative direction.

We  contacted the Cancer Institute of Utah in Salt Lake.  We scheduled an Appointment for Tuesday, April 23rd.  We were anxious to meet with the Doctor and see what our options were and get more information about this disease.  As I walked into the clinic I saw a few chemo patients in the waiting room.  I overheard a few conversations and as I filled out all my paperwork it all was becoming more real.  I had cancer and whatever the treatment plan I knew it was going to be a long road.  When we got back into the room to see the doctor, I was given a gown and was told he would be doing a quick exam.  The doctor felt for other lumps, and luckily there was just a few small ones on the other side of my neck that he felt would shrink and disappear  with treatment. He sat down with us for about an hour and gave us every bit of information that he could.  He answered all of our questions and we felt very informed and confident in his plan.  He urged we get going on chemo the following week but first he wanted me to have a PET scan and a CT scan.  We set those up for the following Monday.  As i drove home I had a small breakdown and stupidly enough....was sobbing because I would lose my hair.  A hairless hairdresser??? Really?!?!  

  

   April 29th apt for scans

Waiting for my scans..... first of many IVs 

I wore this skirt that my sis got for me.  Little things make me feel comforted and happy.... Thanks, Min

 On May 1st, I had a port placed for the chemo to be administered through, rather than doing an IV every time I have treatment.  Just another part of the process before the actual chemo.  That afternoon we also confirmed, through the PET scan and CT that the cancer is just in my neck-chest area.  Thank heavens!  On top of surgery that day, we also went to a chemo class.  It was informative and very helpful.  So now we just wait for chemo to begin and move forward.....