Fake it til you make it?? Homie don't play dat!!

The first thing they do when we get here for treatment is access my port to draw blood.  They make sure that your blood cell counts are normal before they administer drugs.  There are a lot of students here today watching and learning.  Kind of scares me, I hope they know Im no guinea pig and this aint' just like taking someones vitals.  And yes I know aint' aint' a word! :) The red devil drug which is a part of my ABVD treatment and the B for bleomicine is scary..... Every 2 cc's that are pushed they pull back and watch for blood return to make sure it is going to he right spot.  It is toxic, toxic stuff and no offense but Id rather a highly trained nurse administer it than a nervous student.  Students please don't come near me with a ten foot pole.  I know what I was thinking and feeling when I was a student and that was only for perming and washing grannies hair.  "Fake it til you make it"???  No faking it when the toxic stuff spills out onto my skin and I lose a limb.  Glad they didn't come too close or I would have yelled, "FIRE!" dead serious, I would have.

When they give these drugs the taste and smell that overcome you is yucky!!!  It is like opening a bottle of rubbing alcohol and inhaling over and over again.  Thankfully I came prepared with an oldy but a goody.  Grape Big League chew... YUM!  I even shared with the nurse because I didn't want to be the only one chomping.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Thanks for all the love, as always I am a lucky gal to have all of you.  XO

This is what it looks like before they hook me up

this takes me back....

This  last few weeks have been busy.... Kids getting out of school, a wedding, selling our current house, buying a new house, packing boxes, doing hair and being mom. Although its been busy,  I couldn't be happier with life right now.  Last weekend my dear friend Tiff and I were able to go to Mesquite for a few days and to Vegas for Kami and Rich's wedding.  It was a much needed get away.  The weather was perfect, the company was perfect and we laughed and laughed and laughed the entire car ride. :) We ate at an amazing steak house and got a 80 minute massage.  Laid by the pool and gambled a bit. Laughter is the best medicine, so I am sure I am fully healed.  I have the greatest friends in the world, and I love every one of them.

I thought my hair would be long gone by now. I am on day 27 of treatment.  My hair is shedding like crazy but no clumps yet....Which is a real bummer because I have had some really good hair days the last few weeks.  I want to pull a Britney Spears move and buzz it all off and shock everyone.  I think when the time comes I will do so, and then look in the mirror at myself and say, " It's Britney B****!"
I told my sisters today that I am terrified to lose my hair.  Seems so silly when I know my cancer is very curable and I am going to be just fine after all is said and done.  Ill just be a baldy for a while.

Today is my sister Brandy's birthday.  She is such a wonderful sister and I love her so much.  She is an incredible friend, wife and mother, she is smart, kind and beautiful and she is amazing!  Mindy and I arranged a surprise lunch with some of her besties.  We had so much fun and Brandy was so happy to see them.  Then we went shopping.....Picture all three of us in a handicapped dressing room with a cart full of clothes and my little Taylor as well.  Early 90s music playing as we tried on different things.  I of course busted a few dance moves in my undies (spanx-if you don't have some, GET SOME!) and that is always a treat.  One of my favorite things about my sisters is that we can laugh and have a good time no mater the stresses of life.  Mindy thinks I am the funniest person alive (she is right) and Brandy humors us both.  We all try on the same things and it is so funny how different our bodies are.  Pants that are supposed to be crops or capris on Brandy are long enough to be pants.  Those same pants on me look like knee shorts.  Mindy fetches Brandy and I sizes and returns with the sizes we requested along with a few sizes bigger because she knows those are our true sizes we should buy to avoid muffin top. Throughout each of our lives we have each laughed at our fluctuating weight loss and weight gain.  Mindy is almost nine months pregnant and is adorable.  Brandy is and has been the thinnest of us for a while.  I am supposed to be the sick sister with cancer, who you would think is losing weight rapidly and frail.  Hmmmmm..... Ive never felt more normal or had such an appetite?!?  I hear its the steroids.  Having sisters is the best and Ill tell you why... I would never tell a friend that they look horrible in something.  I will only kindly steer them away from the fashion no no.  I do tell Mindy and Brandy if something looks bad, and they never miss a chance to do the same for me.  It is usually followed up by, "Really? I thought I looked really cute." And then we all crack up.  Whoever is the thinnest at the time we make fun of because  secretly we are jealous.  We never hurt each others feelings, rather its an ongoing joke over the years.  The "chubby clothes" are passed around to the chubby sister.  Pretty smart of us if you ask me. We had a lovely time and it was a blast!

Funny how perspective on life changes when illness or a trial arises. How soon we also forget after we are given the strength to overcome these trials.  Maybe thats why we always have a struggle even if it a small one.  Now more than ever I consider each day a blessing and I have never felt so lucky to be surrounded by the people I share my life with.  My sisters are choice women who have made me the woman I am.  They have taught me so many things over the years and I'm positive we would be lost without each other.  We don't bicker or have arguments and we have an unexplainable understanding of one another.  I hit the mother load when it came to sisters and you should all be jealous. ;)

Chemo tomorrow bright and early.  One more month and scans will be repeated to see where we are at.  I feel so fortunate we live in a time where medications are readily available to each of us in times of sickness.  I am thankful for an amazing support system.  I am thankful for my hubby and the amazing man he is.  I am so proud I am the mother to three incredible daughters that bring so much happiness to my life.  I am doing so well under these circumstances and I appreciate all the love and concern from each of you.  XO

 Birthday girl

 Happy Birthday lunch

What a cute group of gals

Today, I am so grateful for my little Taylor Sue.  This little girl is an angel straight from Heaven.  She is mellow and calm like her daddy.  She is constantly smiling and bright eyed.  She has brought our family so much happiness.  As many of you know January of 2012 my two older girls father, Ryan passed away.  Jake and I were in the process of trying to get pregnant.  A month after his passing, we learned that we were expecting.  Of course my hormones on top of all the other emotions I was going through were out of control.  Jake and I and the girls were so excited and we knew this was a gift from Heaven.  Not only to bring our little family closer, but to help lighten the sadness and bring perspective to this life.  Allie and Lexi were so excited and were anxiously awaiting.  Pregnancy was rough, and I went into labor at 18 weeks.  Contractions every few minutes and bed rest.  Not fun!!  Not to mention all the drugs they give you to help stop labor make you feel crazy.  And I am already partially crazy... on top of the circumstances....and the meds, I was a full blown crazy!  ;)

When the time finally came after all of that, induction of labor was needed.  IRONIC!  She was perfect in every way and had tons of black thick hair!  Jake was amazed at what had just taken place.  I was once again in awe of this tiny miracle that I was entrusted with.  Nothing compares!  She has helped each member of our family in amazing ways.  With everything going on the last few months, she is an angel.  She takes a three or four hour nap with mommy when I need it.  She does not cry!!!!! Unless she is hungry. She smiles at me every time I talk to her.  When I cry, she looks into my eyes and she knows what I am sad about.  She gives me hope.  She eats when she is supposed to.  She loves to bath.  She loves her sisters so much.  And she is a spitting image of her daddy!! (My favorite thing)
She is even completely losing her hair as we speak...( I call it sympathy chemo)  She knows me so well and what I need.  I love her and I am over the moon ! XO

 

Here we go.....round two

Here we are again.  Almost feels like its not so big of a deal being here, getting poison administered from nurses wearing hazmat suits.  Ironic that all I can think about is my dear brother in law, Tom.  Didn't sleep much last night, woke up every hour and tossed and turned thinking about my sisters sweet little family.  As we talked last night my sister Brandy said, "Tom and I would kill for lymphoma at this point." and we giggled.  Their strength and bravery through this time in their lives amazes me.  Tom is going to show this cancer who is boss.... Must run in the family! ;) I told him we are more alike and he and I must be the strongest people in our family because we were diagnosed with this yucky stuff. HA

Both of our families have been blessed in so many ways it is hard to recall all of the things people have done for us.  The encouraging texts, emails, visits and kind words that will help us kick this cancers A$$!!  The exciting events that have been planned are going to be so much fun and give us something to look forward to.  Truly amazed and humbled at the kindness and concern from people.  I have been given the most incredible parents (all of them) the most giving, kind hearted siblings, the most supportive, loving friends and neighbors in the world.  My husband inspires and encourages me every day since we have met.  I am so in love with this man.  He is everything good, happy, positive and wonderful that I strive to be.  Plus...He is a babe and I love his new red Cinci hat he is sportin today! He makes me laugh, We cry together in happy and sad times.  He understands me with no words being said.  He knows what I am thinking and he caters to me and our little girls! He amazes me and if you are tired of hearing it...too damn bad!  ;) My daughters are straight from heaven.  Although, they test my patience at times.  I am so lucky to be a mother. There is nothing more important to me than those little gals.

We met with our doctor this morning before we started chemo and I am responding well.  The small tumors on the left side of my neck can hardly be felt anymore.  I am so blessed to have a strong body (big bonded) body that can handle this challenge.  I am even more blessed to have a strong mind, although a lot of you will disagree because lets face it... Im a ditz.  When I was told I may have cancer I remember sending a text to my step mom, Kris saying, "I cannot do this, I swear it I don't have the strength." Strange, how quickly I was given the strength to not only do this,  but DO THIS!!! The only way that this is possible is through the prayers from friends and family and a watchful eye of our Heavenly Father.  I will stay positive for my family and for myself because I am freaking awesome.... and I don't really have a choice, do I?  Why, yes I do have a choice and Im coming fierce baby!!!! WATCH OUT!! XO

Got alot on my mind....

and yes Im a red head now....WHY NOT? I already feel smarter! YOLO

Left; Joe McFarland Western Division President of Home Depot

Right; Jeff Rodda Senior District Investigator aka Jake's Boss

Also, this week Jake was able to give our Angie's Army bracelets to some pretty important people that Work with him.  Home Depot proves again, it is an incredible company that is so very supportive through all of this.  I have seen and heard so many amazing stories about the associates of this company.  I will never shop at Lowes again...and you should't either (Dad) ;)

As many of you know, last week my sister Brandy's husband, Tom was diagnosed with melanoma.  He  found a lump underneath his arm and had a first operation on it about two weeks ago.  He had another operation last Friday to remove more of the mass.  He is doing well and recovering this week.  They will be doing scans tomorrow before he sees an oncologist to get a treatment plan.  He is such an inspiration to me and always has been.  I went to visit him and their cute little family on Sunday. He was resting in bed, so I climbed right in and we talked and laughed and I cried.  He is in great spirits, and like me... will fight like hell.  #TeamTommy

None of us understand why we have the trials we do in life.  I do know that our character is built through these trails.  Rather it a death of a loved one, divorce, disease, sickness, financial stress, job loss or just plain old day to day trials.  We are tested and  pushed to the limits to define us and our strength.  Our Heavenly father is very aware of us and our needs.  He knows our heart aches, struggles and frustrations more than we know.  It is our responsibility to go to him, daily and ask for help and strength to get us and our loves ones through this life.  He will help and guide us to become the people that we are destined to be.  He is waiting for us to humble ourselves and ask for help.  No matter your religion, race, beliefs or background.  We all have spirituality within us and it is mighty and powerful.

Our friends have organized a 5k for Saturday, June 29th.  It will be fabulous, because all the fabulous people in our lives will be there.  Please come support and run, walk, ride, scoot, or ride along in a wagon.  We will have breakfast treats afterwards.  Friends, family and anyone you want to invite.  Spread the word and mark your calendars and lets do this!!!! Registration soon to come on www.wegotthis5k.com. We will see you there!!!!  Also, follow Toms blog, coming soon @ teamtommy36.blogspot.com
XO

Race for the CURE

Angie's ARMY

What a gal.....

This morning one of my dearest friends, Kami ran in the Race for the Cure, for me! I love her and this pic makes me so happy!! Love you, Kami Lou!!! XO

We had the chance to do family pics last week with my friend, Ali Sumsion.  She offered to do them as I really wanted to, before I lose my goldy locks. She did a wonderful job and here are a few of my favs.  I have the cutest darn family.... :)

 MY FAV.....

Couldn't be happier!!! :) XO

Sunday...not so fun day

As we were told, day one and possibly day two after treatment wouldn't b so bad because of all the anti nausea drugs and steroids given before chemo.  Saturday evening I started to feel nauseated so I went to bed pretty early. Id like to say Sunday morning I woke up, but I didn't. I stayed in bed til noon then woke up to eat then back down for a nap.  I felt like I had run a marathon and was very weak.  Not that I would know what a marathon feels like but you get the picture.  I had been taking anti nausea meds but I don't think I had eaten enough with them.  I woke up around three to go to the bathroom and I was sitting on the toilet looking at my cute toenails, when I suddenly became very sweaty and nauseous. I fell to my knees and remembered heaving into the shower and then...whammy I must have passed out for a few seconds. Then I came to and realized I had fallen and was laying in my vomit...Yucky!!!!  I hollered for Jake and he came right up and to the rescue.  He helped me clean up and get in the bath.  I washed my hair and face and I felt much better.  After that I had a yummy dinner that I was able to keep down, (thanks to the Finkens).  The night went well and I was feeling like I had a little energy back.  I was able to bath and get kids to bed and that is an accomplishment in this state. :)

This morning was good.  I feel very blessed to have been able to have the strength to get my girls ready for school, do a load of wash and feed my sweet Taylor.  I know all the prayers that are being said on our behalf are helping us.  Thank you all so very much.  I get numerous emails, texts and calls everyday telling us that people are praying for our family.  The power of prayer is REAL!!!!  I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and what I can and cannot handle.  I love my husband and sweet daughters so very much and it is in times like these that the little things make me so happy.  

Also I think I need Life Alert.... Until now I thought this a funny and also sad commercial... Not so funny anymore!!! I only hope  my sweet Jake will accept the other part on the respondent end. So much for BFF necklaces I was gonna buy us.  These are the way to go, for now. XO

What the "Hair" am I to do?

During this last week, I got to make a visit to a fabulous wig shop.... because I will lose my hair.  My sweet step mom, Barbara invited me to go and I thought it appropriate.  It was really strange at first sight and smell.  Even though I am a stylist, and work with human hair extensions it is quite different to have and feel a full wig.  Not just for Halloween or dress up, but for real.... They had all shapes and colors and sizes and it was comical to me a bit.  And if you know me.... comedy helps me deal and I guess that is why Im so darn funny, as Ive been through a lot in my short 31 years ;)


Then it became real when I sat at a vanity and the lady helping us got a nude nylon from a box.  My first thought was, "We aren't at Payless Shoes, silly girl", (flashbacks from childhood)  and she slicked my hair back, as if I were bald.  My second thought was, "Lets go rob a bank, because these wigs were pricey!!!!" While I told her I am of course a blonde bombshell (as she could see) she she went to find a few wigs.  I was excited to find a nice one, but more excited to find a not so good one and take a pic and tease people.

The resemblance in uncanny.... I was always told I was the mailman's because Im olive colored and have light hair (unlike my sisters) It was all finally adding up....

but seriously, I got this in blonde and I really hope It has the "Beth Chapman" look as we are both chubby and blonde and sexy!!! ;)  and we have sexy husbands.....

I also got a hat wig that resembles a jock strap on top.  Actually, I am really excited to get them in a few days because I hear hair loss can start sooner than later! 

XO

So far, So So GOOD....

We are here and like I predicted, have met some really neat people already.  My RN, Allen is great and super informative about each drug that is given.  Accessing the port was pailful but I hear it gets better.  As of now, I am getting the third of four chemo drugs.  Feeling quite normal...which isn't normal, because Im far from normal! HA My Jakey is wonderful and so supportive and asks all the questions Im thinking of asking. Positive people and smiles everywhere... nothing like what I had feared.  Plus there is a snack bar and as you all know... I love snacks!! :) Thank you all for the love and support! And I wore my ruby slippers for good luck! I did not plan to have green and white stripey socks like the wicked witch...SO funny! They are so soft and my friend, Misit sherwood, (a cancer survivor) brought them to me! Love them and her.... And I am listening to Bon Iver for those that care.  Good stuff. XO

 How did I not realize this?!?! 

 The "RED DEVIL" toxic stuff

Cancer looks good on me :)

Is it tomorrow already??

The port that was put in my chest yesterday has been really sore. I feel like someone took a hammer to my chest.  I think part of the problem is the original surgery to remove the lump hasn't fully healed, and  both the new incisions made are really close to where the first one was....eeeeeek!!!! It was burning and itching today so I took off the saran wrap like tape that was surrounding the gauze and it was blistered.  Pretty sure it was an allergic reaction. The good news is,  I have never been allergic to anything in my life and now when people say are you allergic to anything I can say, "why yes, I am." Then when they ask, "what",   I will reply, "to the saran wrap like sticky tape stuff they use in surgery."  I didn't expect it to be so painful and I am so thankful I chose Wednesday to have it put in instead of Tomorrow morning before chemo....That would have been a real doozy on top of treatment.

The port :( and the itchy little blisters.... My port deserves a name, any ideas? After all, It is going to help save me! XO

diapar bag packed for tomorrow- check

yummy snacks and drinks for treatment- check

gossip mags in bag- check (thanks Shanny)

unbelievably soft blanket from my dear friend, Sheryl- check

new macbook (that Jakey got me this week, so I could blog) ( Hes amazing......) made me cry-check

my loverboy- aka chemo date- check

Pretty sure Im gonna meet some pretty amazing people during treatment.  Thankfully, fabulous friends are right up my alley!!!! ;)

LETS DO THIS!!