Radiation

So here we are two radiation treatments left to go and so much more has happened than I thought would.... This has been a challenge and I have tried to be brave and strong.  Radiation the first few days was a breeze.  Then my throat stared to hurt, then it started to really hurt. Like I couldn't eat or even swallow hurt. I expected a mild sore throat but nothing like this.  Monday morning I called and got in to see doc and explained my situation.  My esophagus is burnt obviously from radiation but I also had an infection and swollen tonsils.  I was given a "pain sucker" (famous with cancer patients) and told after a few minutes I would be loopy and the pain would be gone.  As I went for blood work I ate the whole thing and had no relief... And I mean NONE!
I marched straight back in there and told them I had no improvement.  They gave me antibiotic, steroids and pain pills, finally.  Some relief.  Unreal how bad my throat hurt and still hurts.  Two more days to go and then it should start getting better.  It has been a doozy and just all part of the process.   The last few times I lay on the radiation table and they strap me down with the mask on I get so anxious I literally have to meditate or go to a far away place so I don't lose it.  This journey has not been easy, but I have learned a lot about myself and how I handle things.  I have been so blessed by all the help and support that others offer daily.  My dear friend, Chelsey takes me almost every day because I cant drive on crazy pills. :) THANK YOU SO MUCH! She sits and takes care of Taylor while Im in there and it  has taken so much stress off me.  Love her!  After this last treatment Monday I will be free for six weeks then a follow up with oncologist.  I cannot wait to feel normal and healthy again,  Do not take your health for granted.  EVER!! I know I have in the past and I am going to be better!!  Thank you for all your prayers, love and thoughts....XO

BEING STRAPPED DOWN WITH MASK...EEEEK!

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I am really feeling like a horrible blogger.  I haven't updated in such a long time.  I apologize.  Chemo kicked my bootay and after four cycles complete my scans came back showing a complete response.  I couldn't be happier about being finished with that part.  As planned I met with My radiation doctor at AF Hospital at beginning of August.  His name is Dr. Barney.  I am starting radiation tomorrow morning and will have 12 radiation appointments.  (less than I was originally told)  I had my mask made for these appointments last week and it was interesting.  Pics of the mask to come..... FREAKY!!
My body is finally feeling better, as the chemo is finally leaving my system.  Peace out chemo, you did your job now move on outta here.  It is the hardest thing I have gone through thus far....like in my entire life. I am thankful I responded so well and I cant wait to feel better each day.  I shouldn't have too many side effects from radiation, maybe a sore throat and fatigue.  I cannot imagine this is anything in comparison to chemo treatments, so bring it on.

 I am up and running right before the UTES start playing!! YAY- cannot wait to go to the football games.  Last year I was on bed rest and didn't make it to most of the games.  Sitting on bleachers are bad enough and its even worse when you are contracting every three minutes and trying to do kegels so baby girl doesn't make an appearance while I'm eating my churro and foot long... (I mean mid game) ;)
Sad but True.  Excited about that.....

I am also excited about the kids going back to school.  Not a very fun summer with very few fun activities.  The sun is a real beast while under the influence of chemo.  The girls were such a big help and I could not have done it without them.  Allie seriously was the mother this sumer.  She made more bottles and changed more diapers than I.  She made me lunches and made sure I was taken care of. What an angel and what an amazing mommy she will be.

Each day is truly a blessing and I am so thankful for all the love and support that you have all given us through this.  I am a lucky woman to have such an amazing husband and outstanding daughters that make me so happy.  They make me laugh and smile every day and I would be lost without them.  I couldn't see an end in sight when I was diagnosed with this crummy disease.  I have grown so much and realized how much I have to be thankful for.  I love being a mother and it is the BEST think I have ever done and the best thing I will ever do.  Even though I still need practice.  It has made me get out of bed every day and battle through and fight harder than I ever thought I could have.  I love my little girls and I am so thankful to be their mommy.  Heavenly Father knows just what we need and exactly when we need it.  Over the last five years I have been through some of the roughest times.  I thought so many times that I couldn't keep going and I would almost give up.  I needed to learn and grow and become something better.  I wouldn't change any of this for the world.  I trust in his plan now more than ever and he will not ever forsake any of us.  I am happier than I ever have been and I have learned so much about life, love, trust, patience and so many other things.  I know I am watched over every day and I have so much to fulfill in this life still.  Cancer knocked me down but I am a fighter and I am gonna come back better than ever.  I love life and it loves me right back! XOXO

The final countdown.....We have one more treatment after today!!! :) Still have my hair, although it is thin.  Feeling pretty good.  The last few weeks has been a little harder.  More fatigue, blurred vision, numb hands and worst of all the bone pains.  So strange to think this poison is in my body just DOIN WORK!!!  I am so thankful that I am responding well to meds and that this chemo part is almost over.
It hasn't been fun in any way but it has changed my life and made me thankful for my health.  Radiation will start and be four weeks, possibly six, every day M-F.

The cutest, sweetest couple were here doing henna tattoos for people.  They are really cool and of course I had them ink me.  I got a cancer ribbon on my foot.  It is pretty cool and it makes me smile! :)

Jake is here with me and is the sweetest most supportive husband.  He has been so amazing through all of this and we are so so ecstatic this part is almost finished.  He is currently talking in an accent to try to make me laugh.  Not sure if its British or Irish?!  Anyways, he always makes me laugh. Love it!

We are going to go on a killer vacation after all of this to celebrate.  I want to take the kids to a beach and relax and just enjoy some time as a family.  This summer has been rough as the sun really knocks me out.  We haven't gone swimming, camping, boating or anything.... I told the girls we would make it up to them. :)

I appreciate all of you and love each one of you for your care and concern for our family.  We are so blessed to be in the neighborhood we are in and to have the family and friends we do.  Love you all! XO

Today is a great day! Jake and I are at chemo.  Start of the third cycle today.  My pet scan last friday shows a complete response to chemo.  FABULOUS!!!  We couldn't be happier.  Three more treatments after today and then most likely no radiation.  I feel so blessed that my body has responded well to treatment.   Prayers and love and support have made this doable.

I am still really losing hair, but thanks to a new discovery by Tiffany, I now look like I have a full head of hair.  HAHA  So funny and although my hair feels like nasty halloween sprayed hair (because thats exactly what it is)  You cant run a brush through it easily after the spray has been strategically placed on the thinning areas, but Ill tell you what,  IT WORKS!  If you were around in the early nineties you remember the infomercials with the balding men who literally sprayed what looked like a can of spray paint on balding areas.  I thought this was so funny and I remember laughing and thinking how in the hell do they think they can pull that off?!  Well I am now, "pulling it off. " IRONIC! And, hilarious. SEE BELOW....

amazing coverage

I can't  think of a better name for this product

As we speak, my dear sister, Mindy is having her fourth baby.  She has been such a support to me through all this even tough she has been tired and prego!  She is my BFF and I love her so much.  We are basically the same person- We love to laugh together and this has saved me so many times.  Never a dull moment.  LOVE HER and I cant wait to meet baby Anna. :)

The 5k run that so many wonderful people have helped organized is tomorrow morning.  I am so excited and  hopefully will feel well enough to go hang out.  Wonderful people, amazing raffle prizes and community fun.  Wear sunscreen!!! Come join us!!!

It will be a wonderful week and we are counting down til we are done with treatment.  I am so thankful for all the love and support and strength I have been given through this trying time.  I know Heavenly Father is aware of me and my family more than ever.  I feel such love and comfort knowing he is watching over each of us every day.  Things work out according to his plan, and we need to have faith that he will take us under his careful watch and protect and love us. I love you all!!  XO

Friday was my fourth treatment and it was a doozy!  I am getting more fatigue each time, not sure why.  I get sick and nauseous every time we go and every time I think about it! :( I am a major wimp!!   Father's Day fell on my birthday this year and it was a great day.  Jake is such a great father to our little gals and we are so lucky to have him.  We visited Ryan's grave before we went to a BBQ at my dad's house.  I was like a zombie but I was there in spirit.  HA!

We got all moved into our new house and it is fabulous!  It is so beautiful and we love the new neighborhood and neighbors.  Thank you to all the family and friends that helped us move.  It was difficult because Im not as strong as usual and I am so darn tired.  Jakes Aunt Lois was able to come down and help us for the week.  So appreciative for all the love and support.   It has been a busy month.  The girls went to San Diego with Gma and Gpa Wendel and their aunts and cousins.  This gave us time to get all moved and settled while they partied it up on the beach.  They had so much fun and I am so grateful they were able to go.

The 5k is coming up and if you haven't already registered, DO IT! It is going to be so much fun with lots of amazing raffle items, treats and wonderful company.   If you don't want to do race still come and hang out and support this awesome cause.  It will be a blast!

We are so thankful for all the prayer and support that has been extended our way over the last months.  I know we would not have made it thus far without each of you.  We live in such a wonderful community where people jump at the chance to help, bring a meal or just ask how we are doing.  So many of you ask about my bro in law, Tom.  He is doing well and has finished radiation.  He is at Huntsman as we speak and starting infusion therapy. He is amazing and I am so grateful to be apart of his journey.  He is in great spirits, as always and he is such an inspiration to many.  He is changing the world one blog post at a time! ;) Love you TOM!!!

So thankful for each day I am given to love my children, laugh and be able to have the health to do the things that I need to.  I have the best family and friends and I love every one of you!!

TEAM TOMMY

Fake it til you make it?? Homie don't play dat!!

The first thing they do when we get here for treatment is access my port to draw blood.  They make sure that your blood cell counts are normal before they administer drugs.  There are a lot of students here today watching and learning.  Kind of scares me, I hope they know Im no guinea pig and this aint' just like taking someones vitals.  And yes I know aint' aint' a word! :) The red devil drug which is a part of my ABVD treatment and the B for bleomicine is scary..... Every 2 cc's that are pushed they pull back and watch for blood return to make sure it is going to he right spot.  It is toxic, toxic stuff and no offense but Id rather a highly trained nurse administer it than a nervous student.  Students please don't come near me with a ten foot pole.  I know what I was thinking and feeling when I was a student and that was only for perming and washing grannies hair.  "Fake it til you make it"???  No faking it when the toxic stuff spills out onto my skin and I lose a limb.  Glad they didn't come too close or I would have yelled, "FIRE!" dead serious, I would have.

When they give these drugs the taste and smell that overcome you is yucky!!!  It is like opening a bottle of rubbing alcohol and inhaling over and over again.  Thankfully I came prepared with an oldy but a goody.  Grape Big League chew... YUM!  I even shared with the nurse because I didn't want to be the only one chomping.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Thanks for all the love, as always I am a lucky gal to have all of you.  XO

This is what it looks like before they hook me up

this takes me back....

This  last few weeks have been busy.... Kids getting out of school, a wedding, selling our current house, buying a new house, packing boxes, doing hair and being mom. Although its been busy,  I couldn't be happier with life right now.  Last weekend my dear friend Tiff and I were able to go to Mesquite for a few days and to Vegas for Kami and Rich's wedding.  It was a much needed get away.  The weather was perfect, the company was perfect and we laughed and laughed and laughed the entire car ride. :) We ate at an amazing steak house and got a 80 minute massage.  Laid by the pool and gambled a bit. Laughter is the best medicine, so I am sure I am fully healed.  I have the greatest friends in the world, and I love every one of them.

I thought my hair would be long gone by now. I am on day 27 of treatment.  My hair is shedding like crazy but no clumps yet....Which is a real bummer because I have had some really good hair days the last few weeks.  I want to pull a Britney Spears move and buzz it all off and shock everyone.  I think when the time comes I will do so, and then look in the mirror at myself and say, " It's Britney B****!"
I told my sisters today that I am terrified to lose my hair.  Seems so silly when I know my cancer is very curable and I am going to be just fine after all is said and done.  Ill just be a baldy for a while.

Today is my sister Brandy's birthday.  She is such a wonderful sister and I love her so much.  She is an incredible friend, wife and mother, she is smart, kind and beautiful and she is amazing!  Mindy and I arranged a surprise lunch with some of her besties.  We had so much fun and Brandy was so happy to see them.  Then we went shopping.....Picture all three of us in a handicapped dressing room with a cart full of clothes and my little Taylor as well.  Early 90s music playing as we tried on different things.  I of course busted a few dance moves in my undies (spanx-if you don't have some, GET SOME!) and that is always a treat.  One of my favorite things about my sisters is that we can laugh and have a good time no mater the stresses of life.  Mindy thinks I am the funniest person alive (she is right) and Brandy humors us both.  We all try on the same things and it is so funny how different our bodies are.  Pants that are supposed to be crops or capris on Brandy are long enough to be pants.  Those same pants on me look like knee shorts.  Mindy fetches Brandy and I sizes and returns with the sizes we requested along with a few sizes bigger because she knows those are our true sizes we should buy to avoid muffin top. Throughout each of our lives we have each laughed at our fluctuating weight loss and weight gain.  Mindy is almost nine months pregnant and is adorable.  Brandy is and has been the thinnest of us for a while.  I am supposed to be the sick sister with cancer, who you would think is losing weight rapidly and frail.  Hmmmmm..... Ive never felt more normal or had such an appetite?!?  I hear its the steroids.  Having sisters is the best and Ill tell you why... I would never tell a friend that they look horrible in something.  I will only kindly steer them away from the fashion no no.  I do tell Mindy and Brandy if something looks bad, and they never miss a chance to do the same for me.  It is usually followed up by, "Really? I thought I looked really cute." And then we all crack up.  Whoever is the thinnest at the time we make fun of because  secretly we are jealous.  We never hurt each others feelings, rather its an ongoing joke over the years.  The "chubby clothes" are passed around to the chubby sister.  Pretty smart of us if you ask me. We had a lovely time and it was a blast!

Funny how perspective on life changes when illness or a trial arises. How soon we also forget after we are given the strength to overcome these trials.  Maybe thats why we always have a struggle even if it a small one.  Now more than ever I consider each day a blessing and I have never felt so lucky to be surrounded by the people I share my life with.  My sisters are choice women who have made me the woman I am.  They have taught me so many things over the years and I'm positive we would be lost without each other.  We don't bicker or have arguments and we have an unexplainable understanding of one another.  I hit the mother load when it came to sisters and you should all be jealous. ;)

Chemo tomorrow bright and early.  One more month and scans will be repeated to see where we are at.  I feel so fortunate we live in a time where medications are readily available to each of us in times of sickness.  I am thankful for an amazing support system.  I am thankful for my hubby and the amazing man he is.  I am so proud I am the mother to three incredible daughters that bring so much happiness to my life.  I am doing so well under these circumstances and I appreciate all the love and concern from each of you.  XO

 Birthday girl

 Happy Birthday lunch

What a cute group of gals